I’m going to be an Old Lame Dad and that’s Fine

Too often we as mere mortal beings forget how little we are in control of our surroundings. While I do believe there is a tremendous amount of influence one may spew upon the world, controlling how anything turns out is a completely different realm. You ever meet someone with their entire life planned out? I hate those people. “I’m going to be a doctor at 23, married at 25, mom at 26, millionaire at 29, have a yacht by 33 and traveling the world by 40.” Shut up. No you’re not, Ms. Cleo. There is no way you can possibly attain everything you want in a known time frame because that isn’t how life works. That said, I have two goals for myself: Successfully become financially independent and produce offspring. There’s no timetable here for either, which leads me to believe that I’m going to be an old ass dad, and that is all good with me for more reasons than one.

My mom was young when she gave birth to me and I know how much she sacrificed in terms of the ability to live through her youth in full, make teenage mistakes and go off to college to experience things of that normal teens ought to. I truly appreciate it all, as she very well knows. At the the same time the lessons I’ve picked up from her journey have steered me in a direction completely opposite of her own. Together we struggled through some rough times, as did my younger brother and sister. Not to say that we weren’t well taken care of, which we were on a day to day basis and often more so than our neighborhood counterparts. It was the everyday fight I had to watch her endure that hurt most. Still to this day I’m unsure how she worked, ensured that we were happy, home safe, homework done, dinner prepared, clothes ironed, hair cut and properly rested day in and day out. That’s a tough rundown under any circumstance and at this time it’s something my schedule isn’t conducive of. At all. Things are definitely going to need to drastically slow down before I’m about that life.

Whether it be my family, strangers or seen via the internet, bad parenting is becoming commonplace. There are children back talking, swearing, throwing tantrums, refusing to follow direction, kids on leashes(!) and not knowing how to differentiate friendship from parenthood. What irks me the most is the lack of discipline being instituted upon our babies. It feels as though we are so focused on them liking us that we’ve forgotten that we are caregivers, teachers, mentors and protectors first. Children pout, that’s apart of their growing experience. It’s not the end of the world if your child gets mad at you, trust me. I’m sure the lesson in whatever the discipline is is worth their little feud within themselves towards you. Eventually, being there for them will allow them, as they maturate, to understand that their parents have been their “BFF” the entire time. It’s mostly the age and era we’re in, with everything seemingly having to be put on display or needing to be hip, we as young parents have gone away from the basics of how we were raised, taught and cultivated. Or maybe we have forgotten it all together. Anyhow, it doesn’t help ease my thinking process that these would be the peers of my child(ren), ‘cause should they bring that behavior my way, I’d slap the shit out of them. From a place of love, of course.

Selfishness is a noun that is under utilized and very much scrutinized. One day most of us will eventually find someone that makes us happy (some sooner than others) and we’ll simmer down from the lifestyles currently enjoyed, at which point the art of being selfish will cease to exist. You have earned the right to be foremost about you, I know at this point that I am. Not saying you should be some sort of sociopath or narcissist, but you should have the ability to say “yes” and “no” whenever you see fit or to want to have as much space that you desire or mingle with whoever it is that you find attractive. Whatever makes you happy should be on your to-do list, no restrictions, simply because you can. Though I love my family and my brethren very much so, I am all for self when it comes to many things. The main reason is because I can and I’ve earned it. Knowing and accepting that allows me to ensure myself again that I am far away from commitment, especially one that commits for an entire lifetime, such as Fatherhood. Being a realist is hardly the worst thing you can be with yourself, as it gives you a true mirror into who you are, rather than simply a reflection of what you want to be.

Knowing what I’ve just expressed here with you, I have come to grips with the fact that I enjoy the process of hard work, especially when my goals are clear. I must sacrifice relationships for the sake of my future, which to me is fine. I too realize that at some point it’s possible that I’ll be the last of the gang to produce off-spring and by the time my lil ones are playing organized sports or winning spelling bees, I’ll be the old lame dad that’s there every step of the way. The one that makes sure that the homework is done before the television is turned on. The one that ensures they get proper nutrition and rest. The one up helping them through a rough day. The one that reassures them that their first failure isn’t the end all be all. It’s that kind of dad that I want to be anyways, because those dads are simply a rarity when I sit and analyze my own peers. If it takes me til 38 to mature into the father that my kids so deserves, then fuck what everyone else is talking about, I’d rather as much. I’ll be the old lame dad that’s there every step of the way as a provider, comforter, disciplinarian, tutor, friend and whatever else they’ll require. I’m perfectly fine with that.